From Wikiquote
[edit] Peter Griffin, the father in the animated series Family Guy
- (After learning Lois' great-aunt is visiting) Ah, Ahh a week damn damn crap crap damnit to hell son of a-- (Lois: "Peter!") Lois, sometimes its appropriate to swear... (cutaway to Peter in a court house. Bailiff: "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?") I do... you bastard.
- Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?
- If I'm a child you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand around and be lectured by a pervert!
- Lois. You've got a sick mind.
- Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
- Lois, can't we tell them that your mother died?
- All right, all right, I'll kill your mother. God, when did Christmas become so complicated?
- Nah, I'm just jackin' ya, you'll all rot in the ground.
- Don't worry, kids, we're going to McDonald's. [Lois glares at Peter] Okay but you can't supersize.
- Okay, you get an apple pie, but you don't get to blow on it!
- (nasally laugh) I'm Gene Shalit now. Bye!
- Hey, let's play a game called "I never". You gotta drink if you did the thing the person says they never did. I never did a chick in the Logan airport bathroom.[Quagmire drinks]
- Let's write on him!
- This is even worse then when we went to see the "Vagina Monologues".
- Welcome to the neighborhood! Hi ya, Joe.
- (sucking air through his teeth when in pain) Aahh! Ahhh! Aaaaahh! Aaahhh!
- Canada sucks.
- [Peter reads the newspaper after Lois hands it to him.] Twelve people died in train derailment. Oh god, Lois, that's just morbidly obese.
- (about the dinner) Well, Lois, if you must know, I find it shallow and pedantic.
- Geez, Brian, this isn't what I was expecting. I thought being a hero would be all fun and games.
- [Brian shows him the Star Wars glass] Hey, hey, what are you doing with my Star Wars glass?
- Our children our greatest treasure. They deserve a school board president who doesn't leave her feminine ointments in the fridge next to the mustard. That was the worst hot dog I ever ate! She flosses in bed. She snores like a wildebeest. She freed Willie Horton. She nailed Donna Rice.
- Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change.
- Lois, our relationship cannot be measured in nipples and dimes. I...I mean, nickels and boobs...money. I'll be upstairs!
- It appears I've been fired. Well, while we're still on the air, you know what really grinds my gears? You, America! Fuck you! Diane?
- I'd say "come again?" and then I'd laugh because I said come.
- [After a woman asked for his name] It's uh-- (after seeing a pea)-- Pea [sees a woman crying]-- tear [he sees a griffin] Griffin. Yeah, that's it, Peter Griffin. Oh, crap.
- (Chris: "I don't think Mrs. Lockhart [teacher] like me at all!") Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa... Lois, this is not my batman glass.[1]
- Christians don't believe in gravity.
- Hey, women are not people, they are devices created by the Lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment.
- Brian, it's times like this I regret you're gonna die fifty years before I do.
- I need a Jew.
- Step right up and fight my wife. She floats like a butterfly and stings like when I pee.
- I bet you were really pretty before your body went all funhouse mirror on ya.
- Hey Lois, diarhea.
- Hehehe, "swallow"
- Meg, you got your first date, wait till I tell your mother...Who I'm looking forward to meeting...And I hope is making Steak-Umms tonight. (as Lando griffin)
- Look at those Lois, bigger than your head! (at the adult film awards)
- A-well-a bird-bird-bird, b-bird's the word!
- You're gonna love it at our house, Jenna Jameson.
- (looking into a bowl of Cheerios) Brian, there a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says 'Oooh...'.
- He,he,he,he,he,he,he,he Brain: Just like the time Peter forgot the words to the song in bible school (Peter sing to kids) Jesus loves me he loves me bunch because he puts Skippy in my lunch.
- Holy crip its a crapple (after seeing his neighbor joe, a paraplegic for the first time.
- Bird is the Word!
[edit] Notes and references
